Wednesday, May 23, 2012
A cloudy image...a curving pathway...a metaphor for life changes
I really need to get some good outfit photos....this is like a Poltergeist image of myself; just a tease. Although the image is cloudy, I like it because it represents my shape very accurately. My curves are obvious in this adorable summer dress. I've been reluctant to wear the dress because it accentuates my shape, but it's so cute and comfy I decide to get over my hesitation and be true to myself. This is my body, my shape. There is no denying it, no hiding. I can dress to flatter it, but no matter what I put on I am not going to look like a column.
I am working on body acceptance, but I am also going to work harder to become more toned. Right now I'm 10 pounds over my appropriate weight. I'm just under 5'2" so every extra once shows up. Even when I am at my ultimate weight, my basic shape is not altered; I am a curvy pear and that's not going to change. I have really struggled in the last year or so since I began working on my graduate degree to lose the weight, to stay motivated to work out. I'm sitting on my butt more to write papers and to grade my student's papers. I am committing to taking care of my body in a better way so that I can keep climbing my education and career mountains. I want to look and feel my best along the way.
I'm so inspired by other curvy girl bloggers who have put themselves out there and shared their lovely curves with the rest of us. I'm going to draw some energy from this well and hopefully put some positive energy into it too; to inspire body confidence AND to encourage others to always reach for their highest goals. Age, body size and shape..should not be roadblocks.....
If any of you read my profile, you know that I was a paramedic for several years and "retired". I retired to have and raise my now 7 year old son, whom I gave birth to at the age of 43. At the time (my son was an unplanned surprise, by the way!) I didn't see myself pursuing higher education...I didn't see all of the twists and turns in my pathway. The road in front of me looked so straight...until I ran right into previously unseen, sharp curves. I did return to school to upstart a brand new career and am now, quite unexpectedly teaching university undergrad classes as part of an assistantship. I'm involved in writing a research paper that has potential to be published. I volunteer as a guardian/advocate with two organizations that allow individuals at the end of life have dignity in peace that they have been denied in the past. I compete in ballroom dance, wearing beautiful, sparkling gowns and usually place very well. I am surprised by so many things in my life now that are so different than what I had expected...but I am happy and proud of the new pathways that I have forged.
I'm living proof that life has so much more for all of us than what we may have expected and that boundaries like age, weight, "beauty" are mostly self imposed.
I guess this picture is kind of like a metaphor representing life change and opportunity. I had a image of myself; my life. It was cloudy and it looked differently than I imagined it did. Life plans can vacillate in and out of focus AND THAT'S OKAY.
What lies ahead can be more beautiful than what we could have imagined.
Don't stop seeking.