Under Pressure

   I've been stressed to the point that my own body has been feeling the effects.....

I should warn you...this post is not a happy one.....I won't be offended if you want to stop reading it...

 I am posting my outfits for today...in my attempt to distract myself and achieve some normalcy....

School marm-y at my lessons today

 The last couple of weeks have been very stressful; my mom was diagnosed with a very aggressive form of cancer just one month ago.  Although her cancer had metastasized to the lymph nodes and is not curable; the oncologists in a very aggressive practice talked her into getting chemo as a 'palliative' measure (to slow the progression and prolong life).  I didn't agree; I felt that her already compromised body (cardiac blockage at the aortic arch, advanced emphysema) was too weak...and I was correct.  On Saturday, she was in the ER again, then admitted to the hospital for an altered mental status due to low hemoglobin (oxygen capacity of the red blood cells). This low hemoglobin caused her brain to be hypoxic (oxygen poor). Evidence shows this is linked to chemo, and while many can handle it, someone as weak and ill as my mom...cannot.  Once she received some blood, her mental status improved, but her physical condition has rapidly declined.

Then the argument ensued between the primary physician, who called for hospice care and the chemo docs who wanted to do another round of treatments!  I will just say that I had a few words with the chemo docs and in a very professional and measured tone of voice let them know that I had been a paramedic, had taken the same college anatomy and physiology and pharmacology class that they are required to take, know how to read research journals, including those that show an evidence base for poor efficacy of chemo treatment on patients with preexisting co-morbidities.  

Its also a good thing that this former shrinking violet doesn't shrink anymore...my feathers are easily ruffled and I'm not easily intimidated by a White Coat.

I know some docs have their heart in the right place, but.....my gut tells me this wasn't the case.  I was informed by some of the nurses that this particular oncology group doesn't not like to stop chemo until the death is imminent.

At tonight's dance party blowing off some steam

I do understand that  chemo saves many lives.  But there is a time and a place and proper patient for it and this situation fits none of those.  I wanted the chemo docs to stop talking to her in ways she can't comprehend....I wanted them to stop applying their kind of authoritative pressure.  Its unfair to my poor mamma.

She decided on hospice today...and I am at once relieved (a rest for her) and heartbroken (I'm not ready to lose my mom.

It is for the best; her pain will be managed, she won't be assaulted by toxic chemicals designed to work on patients far less compromised than patients like my mother.

My mom is old school; docs say do it...she does it.

Not anymore.

I had the pleasure of firing them.  I'm her health care rep and I invoked it.

The true palliative care angels of hospice have taken over and will help my mother walk through this process at the end of her life...free of the assault of some arrogant physician's agenda.

I don't know when my mom will lose her battle but it will be soon.  

I'm smiling in my pictures, taken today...but my heart is about to crack.

I will get through this by continuing to do what I do....but for the moment

I am under pressure.

Please say a prayer for Patricia; she has had a hard life....

she's tired.  

Thank you to all of you who follow my little blog.  Normally, I don't talk about such difficult topics...but today, I needed to be true to my situation and pour my heart out.

Thank you for accommodating my rant.

I adore all of you.