Hips, Butt and Thighs...I've got them

I've been thinking about how to approach this post for quite some time; it can be a sensitive topic for myself and for others who experience any kind of body shape anxiety.

Before you read any further, I want to preface this post by saying that I have quoted some comments made to me by others that could be offensive to some readers.  Please know that I post these remarks because I am being true to my experiences and want to share them with you.  I want to share something that is authentic and real.  

  One theme of my blog is dressing a curvy figure, hence the title, Dangerous Curves.

There are other themes that I explore; such as looking good in your 40's and 50's and of course ballroom dance.

This topic, though, preoccupies much of my thought when I'm dressing for the day, trying on and purchasing clothing as well as throughout my day in social situations.  I believe many of you can relate, no matter what your size, shape, age or ethnic heritage.  

I am extra sensitive to this topic; how it relates to me, how it relates to you.

I am interested inYOUR experiences and how they have shaped your body image.  If my post or experiences have resonated with you, please share with other bloggers.  

I have an abundance of hips, butt and thighs; and especially an abundance of butt.  For the most part, I've learned how to dress to minimize this, and creative posing and camera angles can do a lot to camouflage this too.  I want to look my best.  I want my proportions to appear to be as balanced as possible, while still allowing me to be as God made me and embrace the curves I have.

In addition to being extremely pear shaped, I am short and petite.  I have a very small frame; tiny wrists, ankles, small hands and a small face.  

It's not easy to balance this combination of features.

Yes, I still posted an outfit photo.  I feel kind of modern retro in this dress.  I could probably improve it by hemming it about two inches.

Right now, I am 10 pounds above the maximum healthy weight for my small frame.  Two years ago, before I returned to school to work on a Master's degree; I was at a good weight and more fit.  Oh, and ummmm...I still had an abundance of hips, butt and thighs.

I wasn't sitting so much while writing papers and I spent more time in the gym.  In addition to dance, I also had a membership at a boxing club and worked out 3-4 times a week there.  

The demands of school and the budget required me to forgo the boxing club membership.  I was dancing too; and in terms of time and money; I had to choose one hobby or another.  Dance won. Although I am trying to get back to regular workouts and eat healthier; I must accept the fact that no matter how much time I spend on a treadmill, hitting the heavy bag or dancing, I am still going to have this round, basketball of a disproportionate butt.

It is a part of me.  It's not going anywhere.

Until I was 30; I weight under 100 lbs...even after two children.  And...oh; I still had the hips, butt and thighs.  Even in high school, where I was grossly underweight...the booty was there.  It WAS smaller than it is now, in proportion to my weight at the time, but it was there.  I should be appreciative of my curves, my unique shape...and I am.  But in reality...my shape has been a catalyst of many uncomfortable and downright rude treatment throughout my life.

This is the necklace I won...the green stones coordinate with my green shoes.

Of course the typical issues exist; finding pants that fit, that don't gape in the back or pull across the butt and thighs, and of finding a suitable bathing suit that doesn't make me feel like a freak are regular challenges.  My major issues though with my butt in particular stem from the way my rear end has been perceived as others...it is so prominent that people often stare, whisper behind my back or even comment aloud.  My butt has caused me embarrassment; it has even caused embarrassment to my two older sons.  I sometimes feel like my ass is public property; a monument that people stare at in wonder.  No, not like staring at the Washington monument in wonder.  More like staring a grape on a toothpick in wonder.  (That's a wee bit of dark humor in an otherwise serious post).

How I love love love this unexpected prize!

People seem to think it's OK to talk about my butt in a very public manner.  I've heard everything; I've been asked everything.  "Is that real or did you have implants?"  My response is "Do you think I would choose to do this to myself?"  

I've been asked about my ethnic heritage; everyone seems to need an explanation for this "phenomenon".  

I've been told I have a JLo butt, a Kim Kardashian butt, a Nikki Minaj butt.  I've been told I have a JLo/Kim Kardashian butt combined on one little body.

I've been told I have a "sister booty".  That my butt belongs on a black woman, not on me.  I believe the implication is that pale white girls don't have big butts.  I'm living proof that they do.  This comparison is not what is upsetting to me; what is upsetting is that ANYONE would dare to be so rude to speculate about any body part on any woman.

Its beyond rude.  Its an insult to all women of all sizes, shapes and ethnicities.  Why is it that a particular prominent feature has to belong to one ethnic group or another?  Why is it okay to say this OUT LOUD?  Ok..think what you will; but why talk about my butt or any woman's butt, breasts or other features in public, in front of children, friends or strangers?

I can related to women who with very large breasts and their experiences with this same type of treatment.  The only difference for me, is that the big booty is not as common, particularly on a small woman.  Its an anomaly.

Also hurtful is the over sexualization of this feature.  I won't repeat the comments that have been directed to me; suffice to say they are grossly inappropriate.

I have had men express interest in me based on that feature alone.  I am not a woman or a mom or a person in those moments...I am an object; a receptacle.

There is a song I've heard by the singer Nelly called "tip drill".  One line says "It must be the ass cause it ain't the face; I need a tip drill".

My interpretation is that the female subject of the song is not considered attractive but she is good enough to turn around and "tip drill".

I sometime wonder, when I hear the comments, if this is how the person thinks of me.

The funniest thing is when people gingerly approach me on the topic of my butt as if they think I might not be aware of it.  Hey, thanks for letting me know.  Wow. I wasn't aware.  I'll have to do something about it. 

Yes, I am aware.  I do know that my booty arrives to the party about five minutes after the rest of me.  If it wasn't so insulting it would be kind of funny to think that people imagine that I'm not hyper-aware of it.

If this was an occasional occurrence, I might blow it off without a thought. People are people and can be insensitive and rude and sometimes just ignorant. I get that. But...it happens nearly every day.  All of my jobs have place me in the general public on a daily basis.  I'm not sitting behind a desk, I'm out meeting and greeting many people therefore my booty is on display in a manner.   I get weary of the looks, the comments, the innuendos.

That being said; I do joke with those people in my social circle about my butt.  Sometimes its just to be funny; sometimes its a preemptive strike; a defensive move to reach the punchline before they do.

I'm thankful that my husband has NEVER, EVER treated my butt like an object.  He has never made a rude comment about it.  He appreciates it....but doesn't ever over-emphasize it, even during intimate moments.

Someday, I will get brave and post a picture of myself walking away from the camera.  Just so you know I'm not exaggerating.  Someday, I will be brave and embrace this without shame so that you too can embrace whatever it is you may not love about yourself.

I love my body.  I don't love all of my features.  But I love the body that has carried my children; that dances like a princess and that carries me through life.

I hope you too, will love your body for it has carried you through.